By Chrissy Iley
I was very excited to receive the Elvie. Its pale green, smooth pebble like form felt good to the touch and I immediately left it to charge in its casing that looks like a giant tampon.
Elvie, calls itself your most “personal trainer”. A few minutes every day and your pelvic floor muscles get strong.
I have read the statistics, one in three women have problems when they lose control of their vagina’s. Those problems include bad sex and incontinence. Suddenly your pelvic floor muscles can get slack, especially after pregnancy or with age or impact sports. Elvie invites you to defy gravity, what could be better than the promise of gravity defying, better sex?
It’s also been heralded as a piece of genius technology. You download the app to the phone and wait for it all to connect. I’m not the most techno person in the world and I did require help on this, not just the installing of the app but the connecting and you need to position and contort yourself to get the connection more than the pelvic floor exercises themselves but that is probably more due to the inefficiency of the wifi service!
Once you are on, you are on. Firstly practice the squeezing in your hand – you worry, thinking this is hard enough, how am I going to do it down there. You can do it standing up or lying down or at least I can’t do it standing up but I can do it lying down.
I’ve seen the women in the Elvie ads sitting at their desk, their faces squeezing, their eyes shrinking as they lift, all very reminiscent of Meg Ryan’s orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. Well that’s not what happened to me! I was just all over the place – I hadn’t wanted to do it lying down as it felt more like a sex toy than a personal workout but it actually felt like I was in a Pilates position and it was much easier to get the connection right.
You get simple instructions on your phone, lift for a number of seconds then relax for a number of seconds. I quickly worked out I was better at squeezing with my kegals than my hand, this pleased me and I got very self competitive.
I’m addicted to games on my phone and this is just a more personal version of Pet Rescue or Bubble Witch. Then I’m being told I excelled myself, another personal best. I love it when I see improvement. My lifting skills are brilliant, I could challenge anyone, my pulsing skills however are miserable. The exercise where you pulse you have to hit quick targets and I missed all of them, constantly. But is this because my muscles are weak? My hand-to-eye coordination is quite dreadful and it appears my kegel-to-eye coordination is even worse. But the good thing is, you see improvement and feel a great sense of achievement. On a spiritual level, you feel aligned to your own body. You can track yourself! It’s a Fitbit for the vagina.
I like the way it enhances women’s competitive spirits as well. I like the way you dedicate a few minutes a day to the very core of you. In some ways your most personal and powerful part.
There’s something very fulfilling about me-time with your own vagina, me-time in a very holistic way because you are taking care of yourself. I’m very pleased with my vagina and I don’t want it to ever be slack or lose it’s power to orgasm nor do I want to pee when I cough. Women in France are entitled to vagina rehabilitation therapy when they have had children, elsewhere it’s up to you and I quite like that, you take control. It’s a little metaphorical but it’s good to wake up and exercise your pelvic floor and it puts you in touch with the world and yourself within it – It is addictive to be competitive with yourself, but it’s the healthiest addiction I know!
–
Buy your Elvie now – for £149.
–