by Liz Turner
As I start up the Tesla S P85+ electric super-saloon, I can’t help waiting for an unctuous voice from the speakers:
Car: “I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
Me: My name’s not Dave.”
Car: “No, no, of course not, and mine’s not HAL…”
So who would want to buy this futuristic ship – sorry, car? Most people who want an electric car or hybrid want to save money, or they want to be kinder to our planet.
I look around at the enormous high-def screen in the centre of the dashboard, the soft leather seats, and the sheer elbow space, and reckon that’s not high on most people’s minds as they hand over £84k for a Tesla.
Instead, this car tugs at the heart strings of the kind of people who see tech as beautiful, and who would queue for an iPhone 6, or at least send a flunky to get in line. Most already own at least one other car; many will ‘add the Tesla to the stable’. Rich geeks, then.
The Tesla doesn’t have the moving sculpture looks of a Jaguar, Ferrari or Aston Martin, but it has presence, and is made of high-quality materials. And. it has the best key ever. It’s a simplified model of the car, and you can squeeze the front to open the load area in the nose (where it doesn’t have an engine) or the back to open the tailgate and if you have it in your bag or pocket, the Tesla’s stowed door handles pop out from the door to allow you to get in.
“Thank you, HAL.”
“My name’s not HAL.”
Sound judgment…
I’ve driven plenty of electric cars, and my mum’s mobility scooter. My favourite is the Nissan Leaf, which feels the most natural as it accelerates in a totally linear way without the usual Rrr, Rrr, Rrr steps of a gearbox and engine.
The Tesla pulls away rapidly, and we have to keep an eye on the speedo. Not only might the cops be interested in its incredible pace, but also the press team from Tesla can see exactly where we are and how fast we’re going on a live feed.
“They’re speeding, Sir.”
“Thank you HAL.”
On bendy roads, it feels a little ‘heavy’, efficient rather than fun, like a drum machine compared with a live solo by sticks on skins.
Naturally there are setting for everything, and not only that, the car has a memory. So if you set the suspension to soft as you traverse a bumpy section of road, the next time you approach this piece of Tarmac, the GPS will recognise it and the suspension will select the soft setting automatically.
Of course it’s quieter than a car with a big rumbling engine, which is good for the neighbours, but as an enthusiastic driver, I have to admit the thrill of acceleration is not the same without that sensory experience of sound and thrust as you change gear. The wind and tyre noise usually masked by that sound are also unreasonably annoying now I could hear them.
The Tesla S P85+ extends its range by storing the energy created when you coast or brake, like a Formula 1 car. There are a number of settings for this, and our car was on max because it had a lot of miles to cover, but as with my mum’s mobility scooter, the moment I took my foot off the accelerator, the car braked. It’s clever, but I found that quite disconcerting. Maybe I would get used to it, but I think I would have it on a more relaxed setting. The company has now introduced a ‘creep’ setting to make manouvring at low speeds easier.
The heart of the matter…
It was a fascinating experience driving the Tesla, and I can imagine some owners boring the pants off the rest of the golf club about everything it can do. It’s a brilliant piece of engineering, but I didn’t feel an emotional connection to it.
“Goodbye HAL”
“Couldn’t you call me TEL?”
Plenty of other people feel differently, though, and Tesla can’t catch up with the demand. Each one is made to order and owners have to wait three to four months for their car to arrive. It will be interesting to see if the demand remains high as production is ramped up to 1,000 a month.
One more thing I have to mention – as there’s no transmission tunnel down the centre of the car, in fact, at last, there’s a trough for your handbag. Now that’s the future.
Tesla S P85+
Price £83,480
Battery warranty 8 years, battery can be swapped in 90 sec
0-60mph 3.2sec
Range 312 miles rated, 260 is more typical for most drivers.
Tesla Superchargers allow Model S owners to travel free between cities along some well-traveled highways in North America, Europe and Asia. Superchargers provide half a charge in as little as 20 minutes and are strategically placed to allow owners to drive long distances with minimal stops.